Today is a day for pondering: Is God really good? And do I trust Him? Really trust Him? With my future, my children's future, the wellbeing of my family, with everything? What if His best for me is my own brokenness? What if His goodness is most manifest in the seasons of waiting? What if what I ask of Him is really what I fear the most?
My husband and I are praying about where the Lord would have us serve on the mission field. The reality of our departure daily grows from being a hazy vision in the future to a clear reality fast approaching. One door has been presented, and we wait to see if the Lord will actually open it. We are in a holding pattern until Derek is finished with school (December), and then we will make a site visit to gain a better understanding of the ministry there. Hopefully the Lord will make His will known clearly. However, as the days grow ever closer I find myself fearing what His answer may actually be.
So many questions are running through my head today...and I wonder how we are going to do it. Here, there, or anywhere. Thankfully, God's word is a respite to my soul and I am reminded again and again that, "man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Deut 8:3) and "sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34) In reading His Word I find my answer: In the waiting I must feast, for the famine is at hand. I must be treasuring up the Word of God, storing in my heart for the days that lure me to forget. I found this method of Scripture memorization that takes a different approach than what I have tried before, and I appreciate it's emphasis on long-term retention. Not only do I need God's Word to be shaping me for today, I need it to be planting seeds for tomorrow.
Oh, and here is a good video I found that confirms in my heart why we must go. (Remember to turn off blog music before playing video).
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